An open letter asking for your forgiveness

The other night I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Growing up I was a huge KISS fan. I went to my first Kiss concert with my dad in 1979. And last year I got to experience the other side when I took my three sons to see the band for the first time.

In last night’s episode Shannon Tweed , Gene Simmons’ live in girlfriend, and   the mother of his children finally has enough of his rock star ways and his “it’s all about me, I’m a rock star” attitude.

The last straw is when he misses the family dinner when his kids are back from college. That night as she is getting ready to go to bed someone e-mails her a picture of Gene walking out of a restaurant w/two scantily clad women on his arms.

I must admit last week was a tough week.  In working with single women I often hear the worst stories about men and last week was no exception, but last week was the worst. I heard so much bad news and stories that it even had me wondering if there are any good men left.

Now I know there are lots of good men out there that are dying to find a special woman that they can commit to.

But after watching the episode I was left scratching my head. I was amazed me at the callous, I don’t give a crap, I’m gonna do what I want to do attitude of this man.

It made me realize the depths of the pain that many of these men cause and how this pain can literally affect a woman and her ability to have a loving and trusting relationship.

There was one simple thing that He had to do to clean it up. He simply had to realize how much his actions affected this woman.  A simple, “ I am sorry “ and a commitment to clean things up and make things right between them  would have gone a long way.

But she never got it. And she now looks back on her relationship with this man with a broken heart, lots of regrets and tons of questions.

I’ll be the first to admit that there are lots of men out there who don’t treat women with the love and respect they deserve. And because these guys aren’t man enough to own up to their shortcomings, they make excuses or blame their mates. It’s a very childish and juvenile way for a man to act and certainly not a way which is conducive to be in a loving and committed relationship.

It is not uncommon for a man’s actions to cause so much pain for a woman that the effects are long lasting and sometimes permanent.

One man can cause a woman so much pain that her ability to trust and be in a loving committed relationship becomes shattered forever.

It bothered me because all he had to do was to be a MAN and to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for his actions and to do his best to try and clean it up.

Why is something so simple so hard to do for some men?

I started thinking of all the women who were never got the apology or explanation they deserved.

Now I’m no boy scout by any means and I have done some crappy things in my life. I have hurt the ones I love but I have always done my best to clean up my mistakes and to take responsibility for my actions.

As I was watching this episode I had an idea.

I understand that there may have been someone who hurt you and you never got the answer, explanation and apology that you deserved…and sad to say you probably never will.

That doesn’t bother me, because I know “what comes around goes around”. Mark my words, somewhere, sometime he will reap what he sows.

What bothers me is that these types of men will rob you of the POWER to have the love you deserve.

Their actions have hurt you and caused you so much pain that it is very difficult for you to open up for the fear it may happen again.

And that is the part that sucks. Because no matter what that person did, no matter what they said and no matter how much they hurt you they do not deserve to have that power.

So I have decided to apologize on their behalf. I fully believe if these men would realize the depth of their pain they would get down on their knees and ask for your forgiveness. But it’s probably not going to happen, and the reason it is not going to happen is because they just don’t understand. So I will do it for them.

I do it not for them, but for you. It is my intention that you put this hurt to bed and release it, so that you can go on and have the happy and fulfilling relationship you desire…and deserve:

So, as you read this do so believing that anyone who has hurt you has finally realized how much they have hurt you.

For it really does not matter if they ever realize their mistakes. What matters most is that you realize that no matter how much they hurt you, they do not deserve the power of preventing you form having the type of love and relationship you desire.

Here’s the letter and explanation you should have received a long time ago.

DEAR____________,

I am writing to you today to ask for your forgiveness. I now understand how much I hurt you and how much pain I caused you.  This is not easy for me to admit because doing so causes me pain.  For it was never my intention to hurt you. I am not going to make excuses for my behavior. For one time I am going to step up to the plate and take responsibility for my actions.

I now see that pointing fingers and blaming you was the coward’s way out. I could have communicated like a man, but I took the easy way out, the path of least resistance.  And although that path was easy for me, I now see how much it hurt and affected you. And for that I am truly sorry.

I also want to apologize for every time that I did not live up to and honor my commitment with you.  I now see that every time I lied, every time I cheated, every time I put you down and blamed you I was doing what was best for me without taking into consideration how it was going to affect you. It was very selfish of me and I’m sorry. Instead of talking to you and communicating how I was feeling I ran away, like a little boy, too afraid to speak the truth.

You deserved to be treated with love and respect and I failed. I am no longer willing to be the victim and blame everyone and everything for my mistakes and shortcomings. I will no longer try to blame and make you wrong for things that were my fault. I now see that I and I alone was responsible for the emotional pain and devastation I have caused you.

But what bothers me the most is that my mistakes have caused you to put up walls and close yourself off to the world. My actions are depriving someone else of the opportunity to know what a beautiful and loving person that you are.  The pain I have caused has scarred your heart so bad that you are no longer willing to open up and take the chance on love.

So I am asking you to please put down your walls. I do not deserve the ability and power to take that away from you. I am simply someone who has made some mistakes because I was dealing with my own shortcomings and faults. Unfortunately you became the victim of my problems.

Instead of being a man and dealing with my stuff, I ran from it and even worse, I projected it onto you.

If I could go back in time and erase the things I did which caused you pain, I would in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I can only sit here and do one thing, something I should have done a long time ago; say I was wrong and I am sorry.


In closing I want to say that I understand that you will probably never forget the hurt and pain I have caused you and those close to you. I don’t expect you to. But I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me, not for me, but for you. For I now see and understand the ramifications of my choices and decisions.

I ask you to forgive me so you can free yourself form the shackles that have imprisoned your heart and kept you from experiencing the love you deserve.

I wish you nothing but life’s blessings.

Sincerely, _________________________

I am sorry that you never received this apology and explanation when you deserved it. But now you have it. You are free to move on and leave the past where it deserves to be. The only question is will you?

Much Love,

Joe

4 thoughts on “An open letter asking for your forgiveness

  1. Hi Michelle,I am glad that it touched your heart b/c that was the intention in which it was written. After watching the episode of “Family Jewels” it became clear that many women will never hear the apology that they deserve b/c the guys are so caught up in “their stuff”. As a result the actions of these men often block women and cause them to put up walls which prevent them form having the type of relationship that they really desire…and deserve.Thank you for your kind words.Keep Shining Bright!
    Much Love,
    joe

  2. Dear Joe,

    This blog post really caught me unprepared for the storm of emotion it brought up for me. While I know that you are the person writing this letter, it feels like (as you have intended it to be) the person writing this is someone else. It sincerely touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It is an apology that I never thought I’d “hear.”

    Thank you for your profound generosity and depth of compassion for me and for the women with whom you work. You are a real gift to the world. Thank you for being you.

    Blessings,
    Michelle

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