The 2 things a guy MUST have before he will commit to a woman


Guys can’t commit!  They are only interested in sex!  They can’t be monogamous because it’s in their DNA!

If you’re a single woman over the age of 30 you have probably used one or more of the above phrases.

And you know what…You’re wrong.

If guys really didn’t want to get married, if guys didn’t think they could commit to a woman and be faithful they would never even walk down the aisle in the first place.

If guys are that opposed to the idea of marriage why do over 2 million men walk down the aisle every year?

Now, before you start sending me evidence of your experience with the “boys” who can’t commit, who are emotionally unavailable and who are only interested in sex and screwing every woman they possible can let me assure you I don’t live under a rock.

I understand that there are immature guys out there who can not and will not commit to a woman and blame it on their DNA.

I’m not talking about these guys.

I’m talking about the guys who do initially have a desire to walk down the aisle in the first place.

You see ladies most men don’t have a problem with commitment and being faithful to a woman…if she’s the “RIGHT” woman.

And herein lies the problem for most men (especially those who are older and who have been previously married.)

These types of guys tend to see marriage and commitment as food poisoning. It’s like everyone told them to go to the restaurant and when they did they had a really bad experience. They had a severe bout of food poisoning.

And what’s worse is they they talk to a lot of other guys who tried the same restaurant and got food poisoning also.

So instead of realizing that they went to a bad restaurant they tend to generalize that all restaurants give you food poisoning.

Now, I’m not agreeing with this generalization I am simply letting you in on how a lot of men see things.

Any time I talk to a single guy who says he doesn’t want to get married he usually admits that he feels that way because he is afraid of “getting sick again.”.

Every time…..every time I ask one of these guys “If you could meet the right woman and you could be happy and “not get sick” would you be able to be faithful and be monogamous.

Without fail the vast majority of these guys admit that if a woman and marriage can be  a happy experience (in and out of the bedroom) than they would have no problem being in a serious committed realtionship.

But the problem for many of these guys is based on their own experience they have a hard time believing this type of scenario exists.

And ladies, herein lies the problem. It’s not that the vast majority of men don’t want to commit it’s that they are afraid to commit because they don’t want to get sick again.

For many of these guys the experience of marriage has left such a bad taste in their mouths that they don’t even want to consider it again.

I’m not defending how these guys think. I’m just giving you a little insight into why many men think and act the way they do.

Now again, I’m not saying that there are not immature and irresponsible “boys” out there who only care about themselves and are oblivious to how their choices and decisions effect women. These jerks are obviously not “relationship material”.

No, I’m talking about the guys who will willingly commit and be faithful to a woman under the right circumstances.

Want to know what those circumstances are?

Well, they really are quite simple.

Based on my research there are only two things a guy must have in order for him to want to stay committed to a woman.

1) You make him happier

2) He understands that his life is better/easier with you in it

If you can show a guy that his life will be better with you in it and he will be happier because of the presence of you in his life than he will have no problem committing his life to you .

You see, for men it’s all about the quality of the experience. Show them that it will be a good experience and their life will be better with you in it and you will be pleasantly surprised to see that most men aren’t as immature and irresponsible as you think they are.

A good friend of mine recently got got divorced. He and his wife were in a horrible, very combustible marriage where they literally despised each other.

It was obvious to everyone who knew them. If you were to talk to this guy’s wife she would paint him as the devil incarnate. Well, I’ve known this guy for over 12 years and I know he has one of the most generous and  giving hearts around.

The reason she saw him this way was because she was unhappy with herself. And to make herself feel better she would constantly put him down and ridicule him. And he would react to her attacks. She emasculated him in every way until finally after 20 years he decided he couldn’t take any more and he asked for a divorce.

She mad him unhappy and she made his life miserable.And he left!

Would you want be around someone who made you unhappy and made your life a living hell?

Well, several months go by and he meets a wonderful woman. One day he told me a story of how he ran around all of NYC  trying to by flowers for his new woman.

When I told him I was surprised he went out of his way and put forth such an effort he looked me straight in the eye and said…”That’s because I never had anyone I wanted to buy flowers for!”

His explanation just reinforced to me that if a man is happier and feels like his life is better because of the presence of the right woman he will have no problem staying committed and being faithful to her.

If you show a guy that being with you will make him happy and his life better he will have no problem investing his future with you…Just You!

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19 Responses to The 2 things a guy MUST have before he will commit to a woman

  1. Elly says:

    Hi, this is a great post. So who is Joe Amoia with his very special insights into the mind of men? Writing from overseas.

  2. Jack says:

    I can say, after catching my wife with a woman and the 25 year long marriage crashing down, that I’m -much- happier without commitment. I am attracted to women, again, after much healing, but I like concentrating on me and my wants. A relationship would have to be light, fun, and only seeing each other here and there without schedule. I’m enjoying being a healthy, positive soul, with no need of completion by another person. Women are attracted to me, and I appreciate that, a lot, especially after what has happened, divorce-wise. Don’t think that I’m a hater of women, but I’m an experienced man so I have no need of sexual conquests or relationship experiences. It’s just me, now, enjoying my solo life, and loving/helping my daughter in college. I’m sure there are many men just like me–I’m in my 50’s. I met someone while traveling who I was very attracted to and wanted to get to know, but she was in a relationship already- though sharing an attraction for me, so who knows about the future? There are no rules in my life other than caring for and doing the best for myself.

  3. Tracey says:

    There is nothing wrong with a man being fearful of commitment if having experienced a bad marriage. But in all fairness, why should the next woman give wife privileges to a man who wants all the goodness of a relationship with a woman, but doesn’t want to be a husband? It’s like asking expecting the CEO of a company to commit to their role in return for the perks of a housekeeper. I have found divorced men to want women to do everything their wives used to do that they miss, everything their wives would NOT do, that they also miss, in return for their time. No woman should sell herself short… Divorced men should not expect women they WONT marry to give them everything that wives give.

  4. liz says:

    As a woman all i want is to love someone and him love me.
    To give to him and know he loves me and i would spare nothing to help him see he is my king.
    Good old fashioned love.
    But it is nowhere to be found …
    All i see is fast love or boozers or gamblers or angry controlling ,sick, too busy men….
    As a woman, an old fashioned courting and to be loved is all i need…its all i have to give too
    I want a man to make my life happier too…
    Not make me feel as if i dont matter or that im not worth it…
    It goes both ways …i would want a good man because i am a good woman ….its enough for me and it should be for him also
    Just sayin.

  5. GDAB says:

    I am not agree with the topic, sometimes is all about what people you want to get involved with, a no commited guy smellss 100 km far away. So the girl that choose that boy is because shes not clear with herself. I dont like to be compared with a test drive, same, is about what you want to acomplish and be serious and honest with you and your desires.

  6. Anonymous says:

    What he should REALLY have is his brain examined for even thinking about marrying in the first place. The risks vs. rewards are entirely too high for men to even consider this lose-lose scenario we call “marriage”. DONT DO IT, YOU’LL WISH YOU HADNT AND YOU’LL LOSE EVERYTHING!!!

  7. Joe Amoia says:

    I stand by my post but I will agree that with the WrONG person love & marriage is difficult

  8. Steve says:

    I’m not sure if I agree with Joe. Getting married is not something related to gender, but certainly many women have expectations and fantasies about the family much more than men. Sometimes. The family is important, but for some women it seems the only purpose of life. The thing of the aisle seems reassuring but many people go to school, that does not mean they really appreciate it. And for every two million of people who get marry every year, there is another one that divorces each year. I do not know.
    Love is difficult.

  9. Joe Amoia says:

    Benedette,You must decide if you want a man who says he loves you but who isn’t willing to commit to you. it is obvious that this guy likes the way things are. And who can blame him. he’s got the best of both worlds. he gets to have you and his freedom.I believe you know the answer and you are simply looking for confirmation. You don’t need it. I suggest you look at today’s blog (how to recognize an Unhealthy Relationship). I know you will have the answer you desire.All my best!Much Love,

  10. benedette says:

    I live on my own with my 2 kids. I have been dating a man, that also lives on his own and his kid with the mom. We’ve been dating 2yrs. We’ve really had some awesome times. We only see each other on Wednesday’s and partly weekends. He says he loves and he needs me, but no commitment? I feel it’s time 2 move on…I rather be alone than in a relationship going nowhere and forever packing bags…some word of advice?

  11. Dan G says:

    “When you want to buy a car don’t you test drive more than one and go to different dealers to get the beast deal for you?”

    As long as a guy can use the same comparison to how many owners you’ve had and how many miles there are on the c(l)ock.

    I’d prefer a newer car with less miles please. That car would be a keeper that I would treat with regular oil changes and an expensive wax. No expense spared. I would even consider building a garage for it.

    An old banger on the other hand would be used until I have to repair it to keep it running. I wont be worried about where i leave it parked and i will be expecting it to let me down at some point. I will always be looking for a replacement for the high miler. Someone has already had the best of that car.

    In fact, women and men should come with a service history so you know what you’re getting yourself into.

  12. Joe Amoia says:

    what’s wrong with “dating” more than “one”? Isn’t’ the purpose of dating to find the guy or girl a person wants to be in a relationship with?How does one know if they want to be in a relationship with someone if they don’t date them?When you want to buy a car don’t you test drive more than one and go to different dealers to get the beast deal for you?Some food for thought…Much Love,

  13. Joe Amoia says:


    Thanx for the reply. You’re response seems to bring to light what most women don’t realize….That it is just as challenging for a “MAN” to find a good woman to be in a relationship with as it is for a woman to find a good “MAN”

    The good news is there are lots of good WOMEN out there, as there are good MEN (like you).

    The best advice I can give to both groups is to stay away from the “”girls” and the “boys”!

    Much Love,

  14. Franko says:

    much more women nowadays have trouble committing to just only one man, and they like to date as many men as possible. most women today usually want a rich man, and they expect too much from them.

  15. Franko says:

    i am a straight man that had been married at one time before my wife cheated on me, and i was a very caring and loving husband that was very committed to her. most women today want a man with a very large bank account, and they do expect a man to buy them what they want. it seems that many women can’t accept a man for who he is, like they did years ago. women back then were certainly much more educated than today, and it was a lot easier meeting women back then too. now going out again is very hard for me, since i seem to meet the very nasty women that have an attitude problem. very hard nowadays to find a real good honest woman like our mom’s were back then.

  16. Joe Amoia says:

    Hi Liese,there is absolutely nothing wrong, in my opinion, with a woman asking a man about what he wants/is looking for. In fact it is a very smart thing to do. Men will show you by their actions if they will “Be there” for you and meet “your needs” consistently, regardless of is very common for many couples to experience a honeymoon period where everything is rosy but usually once they realize they “have the other” person the real self shows up and the “stuff” comes rushing to the surface.If a guy inches away it means that it is no longer important to him or he is afraid of “going’ forward”Most women have an intense desire to understand “why” a guy withdraws. I believe the reason why is irrelevant. If a guy is showing you by his actions that he isn’t there for you and meeting your needs consistently than he simply is the wrong guy for you.Now if you want to waste your time and energy trying to make him “see the light” or hoping that one day he will change you might want to observe other women who go that route.A good, healthy and fulfilling relationship is one where your needs are consistently being met. And if they are not being met it isn in your best interest to move on and find the guy who does.Hope this helps!Muich love,

  17. Joe Amoia says:

    Hi Monika,Do not judge what u think a man needs/wants for his life to be easier and better.yes, you may have some challenges in life (who doesn’t) but it’s how you are dealing and acting in the face of these challenges that will be one of the factors that makes a man decide if you are worth being with.The beautiful thing about real relationships is that makes it so much easier is finding that special someone who wants to be with you (warts and all) b/c the see how it benefits him. As you mentioned you have some wonderful qualities and if you show up and show the “right guy” you are all of these things he will understand about your challenges and still want to be with you because to him you will be worth it.I wish you all the best with your “MAN” and hope he gives you everything you desire and deserve!Keep me posted!Much Love,

  18. Liese says:

    Hi Joe — A relationship can be the candy department of life — but what about when the woman needs her advocate, her confidant for a certain temporary stress. He even professes himself as her advocate during the smooth patch.
    Then, because the man has been wallowing through some particular, longer-running issue than hers, he retreats. She gives space — though she needs his council and emotional support.
    When he clears his plate, he tries to inch back in.
    What do you think if she queries him about what he wants from her?
    It had all be dream-like for both of them untill he vanished.
    With her standing up ONE TIME with a direct question in all of their knowing each other, his inching back in has ceased also.
    BTW, both people are over 45 years old.

  19. monika says:

    I agree that men stay when they are happy and life is easier. This has been one of the biggest problems in obtaining a relationship. I have a difficult life. I have a lot of chaos that is beyond my control other than my reaction to it. Most men I meet, will run away screaming at the moment they see my real life. What I have to offer a man is not easiness unfortunately. What I do have to offer is my kindness, compassion, acceptance, love, respect and humor. I only hope this will be enough.

    Recently, after reading your blogs faithfully the past few months, I have been doing it differently, doing it smarter and I think your advice is truly working. In choosing an actual “MAN” rather than a “boy”, he has now entered into my realm, and however disconcerting it may seem, he has not put on the running shoes. So far he has stayed. Thank you for all of your wonderful insight.


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