Do You Have Too Many Rules For The Guys You Date?

 

There is a pattern that I’m seeing in the GPS for Love community and it’s quite an interesting one. On one side of this “pattern” are women who will get involved with any attractive guy who comes along and pays attention to them. On the other side of this pattern are women who have a laundry list of “rules” that no man can ever live up to.

I’m not a big believer in “rules” but I am a big believer in having clear and concise boundaries.

One of the things that may be making your love life more difficult than it needs to be is your rules.

If so, I invite you to take some Mirror Time so you can examine your rules. If you look at them closely you will see that your rules are not rules, they’re your expectations.

“But Joe, shouldn’t I expect the man in my life to be a certain way and do things a certain way?”

No, you shouldn’t!

Now, before you send me a scathing e-mail telling me how crazy I am let me explain.

There is only one rule that you should abide by in a relationship…The Golden Rule.

When you treat others the way you want to be treated and you only get involved with guys who treat you the same way, 99% of the games, drama and bullsh*t in dating and relationships disappears.

“But Joe, what about the guy who treats me well but I’m not attracted to him?”

That’s where you need to replace your “rules” with clear and concise boundaries.

When you have a laundry list of “rules” and a guy doesn’t live up to every one of them you’re never going to be happy, because you’re always going to find something he’s doing wrong.

There is no man walking the planet that is going to do everything the way you think he “should” do things all of the time.

That is why I am suggesting that you get rid of your rules (i.e., your expectations) and replace them with clear and concise boundaries. When you have clear and concise boundaries you can then identify what really matters.

If a guy treats you great and is consistently there for you, but he doesn’t bring you flowers, is it really that big of a deal? If he doesn’t hold the car door open for you is that really a reason to kick his a** to the curb?

Having different tastes in taste in music or having astrological signs that don’t match up to some cosmic chart are not reasons to dismiss a man before you have given him the opportunity to show you if he can love you and make you happy.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had in the last week alone with members of the GPS for Love community who are struggling because of their “rules.” And it breaks my heart because I know that as long as they have these rules they will be setting themselves up for failure.

But it doesn’t have to be that way and that’s why I’m sharing this with you.

So today, I invite you to take some Mirror Time and look at your “rules.”

Have your rules been working against you? If so, I invite you to replace your rules with clear and concise boundaries. Identify what’s really important and what isn’t. And when a guy crosses one (or more) of your boundaries simply let him go and move on to the next guy.

Keep dating until you find the guy who will love you and give you all of the important things you need, the guy who will love you with everything he has, not in your way but in his!

Hope this helps!
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5 thoughts on “Do You Have Too Many Rules For The Guys You Date?

  1. Nina says:

    Great advice Joe! I have been guilty of this in my life and it’s so true. Let the guy show you what he’s made of. Don’t kick him to the curb because he wears a shirt one time that’s too tight if usually he looks great! (Example). If he makes an effort to look nice for you but falls a little short, so what!!

  2. Linda says:

    Joe, I’m really confused on this one. I was upfront with the last guy that I dated, and told him these two things that were very important to me while in a dating/committed relationship with the goal of marriage — That I didn’t believe in living together before marriage – That I believed a committed couple should at least date for 18 months to 2 years to really get to know the other person before making the lifelong decision of marriage. Throughout the time we dated, he would get so upset with these two beliefs that I held dearly whenever we talked about them (which was frequently). And, when I wouldn’t move in with him or entertain the thought of getting married before the time of 18 months to 2 years, he told me that I had too many rules. I explained to him that these two decisions of mine made me feel comfortable as a woman in a relationship, yet he kept calling them rules. I didn’t think of my decisions as “rules,” but more of my own personal boundaries. Am I wrong? Are they rules?

    • Linda,

      I don’t believe these were “rules” but your standards/boundaries.

      He called them rules b/c he needed to blame you and make you wrong b/c he wasn’t man enough to admit that he thought you would change your mind (which a lot of women do)

      Congrats for standing your ground

      I’m sure the right guy will have no problem respecting your beliefs and feelings!

      Keep us posted!

  3. Dawn says:

    Yes rules/expectations do get in the way. I was on a wonderful date with a guy that I connected with, as the end of the night came around, I had to walk to my car. It was late, &, dark, I expected him to walk me to my car from the establishment. He did not offer, I walked into the night by myself. I thought that that was strange, as he had been a gentlemen the entire evening. One of my rules was that a man had to treat me like a lady this obviously went against that rule I thought about it and decided that I should have just told him what I wanted instead of expecting it. As Time wore on I gave him more chances we went on several more dates and had fun but I noticed that I’d maybe hear from him once or twice a week and when we first started talking it was every day until I agreed to go on the first date. We went out about once every two weeks and I didn’t see him except for on those times. Just bothered me because I usually had to initiate conversation or wait for the entire week to go by I felt that he was not making me a priority, now that’s a problem! He said that he didn’t like to text and he never called me on the phone. I’m in my forties and he’s in his late thirties. He said that he didn’t wanted to be in a relationship which is completely different from when we first started talking. In other words I stop placing rules but learn to recognize when someone wasn’t what I was looking for. To be honest I still see him every once in awhile but I don’t think that it’s going to go anywhere due to standards not rules.

    • Dawn
      Why did you choose to give him more chances when he was showing you he didn’t respect and honor you the way you desire?

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